The Internal Struggle

I suffer from an internal struggle.
As ordinary as it sounds, this struggle always feels abnormal.
It lies dormant for days out of the week
and then suddenly,
hurricanes come up from the ground.
And for a few other days of the week I drift among the struggle
like a lost Cuban in the middle of the sea on the way to Miami.
The pain is dull and feels like that of an aching knee
or a bruise.
At other times, it lurks out in a flash like cramp or a nail to the foot.

What is an internal struggle?
Well, an internal struggle is something private,
something personal, almost embarrassing.
But it hurts publicly and is obvious
when you catch yourself trying to hide it;
when you fake that one smile for that joke you didn't even hear;
when you catch yourself sighing too hard.
Some might think an internal struggle is just a problem we can't get rid of.
When in reality, its an infection similar to necrosis
because as long as it is an internal struggle,
its not overcome until you lose a limb; or a random piece of yourself.
In this case, you lose peace.

If ever there was the opposite of peace, I'd say
it was "the internal struggle" not war or famine.
Because all wars and man-made catastrophes
are due to one person's intimate fight.

How do you deal with it?
You can mope, drag, and dwell
without ever solving the equation that was meant for Einstein,
which is what most people do;
you can listen to your favorite thought-provoking song
and stare at the ice in your glass
until you stare so deep that you can eventually see the alcohol in your glass
evaporating into the air like breath in a frosty night.
Or
you might run away and bury your time
in the fleshy bosom of work or vice
(or maybe sex will clear my mind).

The internal struggle, is at the same time, like a drug
that makes you addicted to it like a masochist
in hopes that dwelling in it will bring some sort of absurd clarity.
But let me tell you,
fog never becomes clear by just staring at it.