Exhale

I breathe out and the exhale keeps going until my insides end up outside. 

My beliefs, my breath, and my guts exit through my mouth.

I am cleansed of being anything.

I feel the thin thread of this essence, the last of its kind, of my kind

still lingering like a hair in my mouth.

Second by second I don't know who I am anymore. 

Every fiber of me is gone. 

The moments, the days, and the interactions in life

take pieces of me and I'm running on empty.

Gas is expensive and I am cheap.

I'd rather be nothing than refill my tank;

To exhale is to lose the skin off my back.

To exhale is to lose my true desires.

To exhale means I won't conform.

To exhale is to lose.

True Loneliness

 Loneliness is defined as being without company or 

cut off from others.

But what is true loneliness?

True loneliness comes beyond feeling anything from needing others.

It comes from feeling alienated from yourself.

Loneliness is a vacuously empty feeling of being nothing.

It is ceasing to exist while being alive.

It is hearing the beauty of music without feeling it.

It's taking a second longer to wonder why you're really here.

Being alone and feeling lonely are as alike as

MoM-z14 and JADES-GS-z13-0.

True loneliness is a pain that reaches the marrow of your bones.

It is realizing that you shed rivers at night 

without seeking a hug for comfort.

It's accepting the quiet that comes 

when you ask the night existential questions--

and nothing returns.

It is accepting no one is there;

No one else exists;

In the end it's just you.

Loneliness feels as spent as

scraping the bottom of the bowl

and feeling comfort in the screeching of your spoon

telling you that nothing is there.